Gone Too Soon
by ohmanijustgotavadakedavraed
Summary: Severus' recount of how Dumbledore told him the news of the Potter's death and what happened after that. Also inspired by Simple Plan's song Gone Too Soon. Listen to it while readign this  if you want


Gone Too Soon

Severus stood by the ugly stone gargoyle just as he was instructed by Dumbledore. 'It's a serious matter,Severus. I need you to be here,' he had told Severus. But it was already midnight and he had been waiting for nearly over an hour and there was no sign of the old man.

_Perhaps he's forgotten about it,_Severus told himself but something told him it was something important. Something was gnawing at his heart and he felt uncomfortable all of a sudden. He felt empty like there was nothing inside of him.

_Had something bad happened? Did something bad happen to Dumbledore? Maybe the Dark Lord has done something to him. _Severus sighed as he tried to keep calm but he began pacing along the gargoyle. Severus rubbed his left forearm which was still sore from just now.

He did not know what happened. He had just warned a few people about the attack the Dark Lord had been planning earlier. Suddenly, he felt his Dark Mark burn and nearly collapsed from holding in the pain. When he quickly pulled his shirt clear, he was surprised by what he had seen. The Dark Mark was still there, etched onto his skin, but it was growing faint.

Severus quickly alerted Dumbledore who asked Severus to stay somewhere quiet and come and meet him at Hogwarts at about eleven. And here he was pacing up and down, irritating the Portraits who were complaining that they couldn't sleep with him walking about all over the place.

A sudden noise had interrupted his thoughts and he turned towards it. A few portraits were talking fast in mumbled breaths. "Yes…its true..Potters…son…hero…You-Know-Who...vanished." they were saying. Severus hurried towards them and tried to listen in more to what they were saying.

'Potters? Dark Lord? Had he found them-No…he could not have…,'he shook his head. "Excuse me, what about the Potters?" he heard himself ask in a quiet breathless voice. "Haven't you heard young man? You-Know-Who had found the Potters and vanished after trying to kill their son." the Portraits explained. Severus quickly grabbed hold to the wall and steadied himself quickly.

"What happened?" he asked. They squinted at him for a moment and then said,"Why don't you ask Professor Dumbledore yourself?" motioning him towards the stone Gargoyle. Severus half walked, half ran towards the Gargoyle and looked around. He stared in confusion and then a large sound could be heard echoing.

"Have you been waiting for a long time Severus?" he asked his expression grim. Severus tried to steady his racing heart as he walked towards Dumbledore who shouted out a password, making the stone Gargoyle reveal steps into Dumbledore's office.

"Dumbledore…what about the Po-Come in Severus."Dumbledore interrupted.

Severus walked into the quiet office and slumped into the chair he often sat in. Dumbledore looked quiet as he seated himself opposite of Severus. Severus looked up at the old man's twinkling eyes but looked away almost immediately.

Everything was quiet. Severus wondered whether the old man could hear his heart thumping wildly against his chest.

"Voldemort found them Severus." Dumbledore said loudly.

Severus blinked. "Did she-they-get away in time?" he asked looking down at the desk. "They will be honoured Severus. They were very brave people. "Dumbledore started but Severus had gotten up to look into Dumbledore's wary face.

".?" he gnarled clenching his teeth. "They died, Severus. James threw himself in front of her to protect them…then Lily." He confirmed. Severus stared at him for a moment but then fell back into his chair covering his face with both his hands. He was making a terrible noise and Dumbledore could feel the young man's pain. He stood up and put a hand on Severus' shoulder which the latter pushed away.

'Let him be,'Dumbledore told himself. After a moment or two, Severus raised his face and Dumbledore could see anger, pain, misery and confusion on his face. "I thought…you were going…to keep her…safe…"

"She and James put their faith in the wrong person,"said Dumbledore. "Rather like you,Severus. Weren't you hoping that Lord Voldemort would spare her?"

Severus winced slightly at the mention of the Dark Lord's name but did not say anything. His breathing was becoming shallow now.

"Her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the shape and colour of Lily Evan's eyes, I am sure?"

Why was Dumbledore torturing him? Didn't he know how much it hurt to think about her?

"DON'T!"Severus bellowed. "Gone…Dead…" he was muttering to himself. He wanted to accept that she was dead…that he would never see her again…never see her beautiful face that gave him hope…

"Is this remorse, Severus?" he heard Dumbledore asking him. All he wanted was to die now.

"I wish…I wish I were dead…" he said more to himself.

Dumbledore seemed to be saying something to him but he couldn't focus. He was trying to close his mind from the pain he was feeling. He wanted to become numb…he wanted to be the one who died throwing himself in front of Lily. He envied James' now more than ever.

"What do you mean?" he asked trying to understand what was going on. "You know how and why she died. Make sure it was not in vain. Help me protect Lily's son." Dumbledore said. Was this old man mad?

"He does not need protection. The Dark Lord has gone-the Dark Lord will return and Harry Potter will be in terrible danger when he does." Dumbledore cut through Severus' sentence.

_Do it for Lily, Severus. You're the reason she died…protect her son. _

_No…its Potter's son…Who cares what happens to him? Lily's dead…_

_You are so selfish, so cruel and so inhuman. You're the reason this boy has no parents and yet you still don't care about him?_

A war was going on in Severus' head. How he hated himself so much now. There was a long pause as Severus gained control of his breathing.

"Very well. Very well. But never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it! I cannot bear…especially Potter's son…I want your word!" he shouted.

"My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?" Dumbledore sighed, looking down into Severus' face. "If you insist…" he said.

Severus got up to leave and tried to keep him face as blank as possible. "Severus?" he asked. Severus stopped in his tracks but did not say anything. "It is okay to let out your emotions you know." Dumbledore said. "That is only for the weak." Severus said as he walked out the door. Even so, he felt his lips trembling and saw that his hands were white.

He felt himself Apparate once he was outside of Hogwarts but he did not know where he was going. He reappeared in an old abandoned place and it was evidently raining heavily. He looked around, confused as to why he apparated here and then it hit him. This was where he had first met Lily when they were still children.

_Hey there now, Where'd you go?_

_You left me here, so unprotected,_

_You changed my life, I hope you know,_

_Cause now I'm lost, so unprotected_

"Lily." He called out but he knew she couldn't hear him. He fell to the ground and he felt everything around him blur. The rain was falling fast but he did not care. He would give anything to be back here with Lily again.

_In the blink of an eye, I never got to say goodbye,_

_Like a shooting star, Flying across the room,_

_So fast so far, You were gone too soon,_

_You're a part of me, Never gonna be the same without you here,_

_You were gone too soon_

Tears were pouring out as he let out all of his pain in the rain. He mourned long for the life he had lost today. He sat there for hours in the cold freezing rain but all he could think about was the times he had spent with Lily. "WHY HER? WHY NOT ME INSTEAD?" he yelled out at the sky. He did not care who heard him. He was letting everything out. He was everything he had promised not to be. Weak. But he did not care.

He wanted to die out here in the rain. Like a coward. _That's exactly what I am. A coward. Just like the man you called Father. Just like him._

Dying out here did not seem like such a bad thing after all. He was starting to become numb; all sense of pain was starting to drain out of him. He fell sidelong into the smooth wet grass and felt his eyes closing.

_No…its not your time. What about your promise to Dumbledore you fool?_

_I don't care anymore. I want to die. Here._

_You can't. You're just giving up? After all you've been through? _

_What have I been through? Nothing worked. I went to the Light just to save her. That failed. I failed._

_You haven't. You can still redeem yourself._

_To who? To Dumbledore?_

_To you. What if the boy dies in the hands of the Dark Lord? _

_He's gone. The Dark Lord's gone. He's not coming back. I'm dying here._

_He will be back. You know that. You can't die just yet. Not like a coward._

_I am a coward. Always was. That's the reason she left me in the first place. I never learn._

_You can learn. You can die like a hero, one day. Just like Potter. Like a hero._

_A hero? It means nothing to me now. Leave me alone._

_I won't. I know one day you will realize some things are worth fighting for._

His eyes closed as he blocked out all the pain and cold he was feeling. "I'm sorry…Lily…I tried. I can't."

"Keep fighting my boy." He heard Dumbledore whisper but all was black.

Dumbledore quickly lifted Severus and Apparated back to Hogwarts. He'd feared something like this would happen and kept a close tab on him. When Dumbledore saw him Apparating to the old playground he quickly followed suit and surprised to see him lying down in the pouring rain.

'I hope he makes it,' Dumbledore said as he watched Madam Pomfrey running around Severus. He had suffered far too much already.


End file.
